A Leader's Buttons

Notice that the question is not: “What pushes your buttons?” That is an entirely different question. The subtlety in semantics is important. Looking at what pushes our buttons is an external exercise. You may know that your buttons get pushed when someone makes a certain comment, or when your boss does not acknowledge you, or when a staff member does not comply with a request. Perhaps a malfunctioning computer is a button-pusher for you!

These or other external forces may indeed activate your buttons – setting you off into a reaction that feels disproportionate to what the situation is calling for. You may fly off the handle when the computer crashes during a tight deadline, but is the broken computer the real catalyst to your reaction?

It’s not a bad idea to take note of these external button-pushers, but we encourage you to take a step further, and sharpen your leadership skill of internal self-awareness by looking at the actual “buttons” residing within you. This self examination is the root of leading from the inside out.

Revisiting the lead-off question: What are your buttons? Understanding the internal forces – your buttons – can help you deal with challenging situations more effectively, and position you as an unflappable leader, steady at the helm.

Here are a few examples of personal buttons that exist for many leaders. Consider how these or other buttons within you influence your reaction to the various situations that come up throughout your day.

The Downdraft Effect. No matter where you rank in any organization, there is always some “higher up” you may feel pressure from. If you are a middle manager, you probably feel the push from your CEO. If you are the CEO, you may feel the tightening screws from a parent company, or your shareholders and clients. If you are unaware, you may inadvertently take this pressure out on the people under you. Because they don’t understand or experience the same pressures, they may simply observe you as “too reactive,” which erodes their confidence in you, and may even make them fearful around you.

Déjà Vu. Did you ever have an employee who rubbed you the wrong way for no logical reason? And then, on closer observation, you realized that he or she shares similar traits with your ex-spouse/boss/friend, or other person you’ve had a difficult relationship with? When you operate unaware of this accidental dynamic, you may be reactive with that employee, who is probably trying their best to please you and utterly confused by your behavior.

Stress Overload. Our society has become obsessed with the topic of stress. Yet we continue to increase our workload and put off those nice-sounding stress reduction techniques we read about. There is no magic to the formula: If the level of internal or external stress in your life is exceeding your ability to cope with it, you will overreact. The only way any stress elimination program will work is by first becoming aware of our choices. Self awareness gives you choices, which in turn reduces stress.

The Empty Well. When our very basic human needs go unmet, we cannot function at the higher levels expected of a leader. Next time you feel reactive, take the HALT test. Use your self awareness to check if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Remember, in accordance with the “Oxygen-Mask” Theory, secure the mask over your own face before assisting others around you. In other words, make sure to take care of your own needs first!

All Work, No Play. With so much importance placed on our work lives, we can sometimes become inordinately attached to our “work selves” as our sole identity. If you define yourself largely by work achievements and position, you create a scenario of unbalance, where your happiness is overly dependent on what happens at work. When the stakes are this lopsided, you naturally become more reactive. As a leader, you serve yourself and your company best when you have a well-rounded and balanced life.

Your buttons are a very personal internal force. The mechanism that pushes them is external – usually outside your influence. Study your buttons and you will find a new understanding of how to neutralize them, making them “unpushable.” This inside-out approach will take you to new heights as a leader.